Devin (debin_kun) wrote in theschizoid,
Devin
debin_kun
theschizoid

New member

Hey everyone. I'm new to the community, and I wonder how I went so long without having read anything about this disorder. I don't necessarily identify with it, well, I do, but I have no experience with it so I can't say that with any certainty. I've never been tested for anything myself, but I am the oldest of my brothers and my next youngest brother has autism, so they've been keeping an eye on the rest of them. I definitely don't feel normal, but I've never been able to exactly identify what was going on with me. Asperger's seems the most logical conclusion, but I'm less socially inept and more socially apathetic and avoidant.
In my youth the teachers recommended I be sent to the counselor because I wouldn't play with the other students (as soon as the option was given to me I never went to recess ever again, I'd spend my time in the art room drawing). I'd especially hate group work. To this day I still tell my group members I'll do everything, partly because I know I'll do it better and partly because I don't want to deal with any of them. I'm quite apathetic to any praise or criticism for the most part. I suppose praise bothers me a little bit on the basis that people are either lying or are two ignorant to see the flaws. I used to throw tantrums when I was little when people gave me compliments, because they were "stupid" for not seeing what was wrong. What can I say, my standards are absurdly high.
I've gone for weeks at a time without talking to anyone but family members (in which exchanges are kept to a necessary minimum), even during the school year if I could get away with it. I'll often go out of my way to simply avoid meeting another person on the sidewalk, such as retreating into the nearest shop or taking a 2-mile detour. I've never had many friends, and even then I never see any of them more than I'd naturally run into them through the necessary course of the day. I identify as asexual and I've only been in one brief relationship in my life, which made me realize I didn't want a relationship. My expression is generally blank and I can't recall the last time in recent memory I was emotional about anything. I've learned to fake most social interaction, consciously or unconsciously, because I was tired of people asking me, "what's wrong?" when I'm just trying to mind my own business. I don't own a cell phone (because I hate talking), and my digital camera has 143 pictures of rocks and no pictures of people (rocks are vastly more interesting than people). I fit somewere between INTP and INTJ on the Myers-Briggs Jung whoever it is scale. I'm generally cynical in most situations and "friends" know me as a fun-nazi for not wanting to do anything and generally being a spoil-sport. So yeah, that's me.
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